March 22, 2010, 3:02 PM — Twitter's full of colorful characters. From musing musicians to orbiting astronauts, the 140-character universe seems to have a place for everyone. And that includes total tools.
Twitter's biggest tools do plenty of irksome things. They stalk celebrities; they share information you wish you could unlearn. Some spend time on Twitter purely to talk about how you should spend time on Twitter (social media expert, anyone?). Whatever their tactic, though, they all share one common characteristic: They are unequivocally and unapologetically annoying.
Here's your guide to the 10 biggest tools on Twitter. If you see someone you recognize, by all means let them know. Just don’t send out the link 20 times. That'd be a real tool-like thing to do.
1. The CelebriTool
A social media phenomenon exclusive to Twitter, the CelebriTool spends his days interacting with famous people -- if by "interacting with famous people," you mean "having one-sided dialogues with celebrities who aren't aware of his existence."
The CelebriTool is the type of person who follows all of Twitter's A-listers: Ashton Kutcher, Kim Kardashian, and other stars who should've by now become memories of cancelled reality shows. But it's not the following alone that defines the CelebriTool; it's the action that accompanies it.
The CelebriTool, you see, thinks he has a real connection with people like our ol' pal @aplusk. He responds to everything Ashton says, adding insightful commentary to the already riveting updates. For example:
Ashton: "I'm going to go look for trouble. I'll let you know if I find any."
CelebriTool: "@aplusk Sometimes trouble just sneeks (sic) up on you."
The CelebriTool is a huge fan of the retweet function, too, enlightening his fellow tweeters by sharing every morsel of wisdom typed by the likes of @KimKardashian. Allow me to direct your attention to Exhibit B:
CelebriTool: RT @KimKardashian: Up early today! At the gym!
I don't know about you, but my life is certainly enriched.